Gang Activity Threatens TMBG Show

Fairfield, CT - Hundreds of music fans were left scratching their heads after threats of gang activity severely hampered a concert by alternative rock band They Might Be Giants at Fairfield University Saturday night. School officials increased security on campus Saturday night in response to unsubstantiated rumors of gang initiation rites that were to target Fairfield University students. All cars were restricted to entering campus through the main gates and drivers and passengers were required to show IDs. Hundreds of concert goers were delayed nearly an hour as traffic backed up onto the interstate.

The resulting traffic jam even caught band founders John Flansburgh and John Linnell, as well as many employees and volunteers for the Quick Center for the Arts where the concert was taking place. Joked Flansburgh, "We had to show the guards the clarinet in the back seat to prove we weren't gang members."

The concert organizer credited poor planning on the part of the University for the traffic and long delay. While he understood the need to protect students safety, he said the concert has been on the books for months and campus security should have been prepared for the increased traffic with additional gates open for concert goers to access the campus.

At the time the show was scheduled to begin, only 20-30 of the ticket holders in the 400 seat theater had made it through security. Many said they weren't even required to show ID when entering campus after stating that they were there for the concert, bringing into question the effectiveness of the additional security measures. The show was delayed about 45 minutes before the band and the majority of the audience finally made it through security. Free foam hands were passed out to everyone in the audience to apologize for the wait.

The majority of the crowd remained in good spirits despite the delay. Many fans said they were frustrated by the delay but most also seemed bemused. Said one fan, "They Might Be Giants is about the least likely band to get caught up in anything to do with gang activity. It seems like something someone would write for a comedy sketch. Most of the fans here are more likely to be members of their local library than a gang." Another fan joked that the audience looked more like a gang once they were in the theater all displaying identical foam fingers. Upon taking the stage Flansburgh asked the audience, "Do you all feel nice and safe? Everyone's IDs been checked? Good, good." He was obviously frustrated but  in surprisingly good spirits despite the setbacks.

When the band did take the stage it was without lead guitarist Dan Miller, who had reportedly been escorted from the premises for suspected gang associations. Said Linnell, "He was throwing gang signs at our earlier show." Another source stated that aggressive demands for cake may have also been a factor. Also missing was the band's electronic drum kit whose "boom car" sound effects were deemed a security risk.

After the concert, which was a success despite the delays and missing band members, Flansburgh said, "We've had a lot of weird stuff happen in almost 30 years on the road but I think this is the first time we've ever been delayed by a complete lack of gang activity."



(Please note: the above is a complete joke I concocted for your amusement. Though based on fact, I made most of it up. Hopefully, it made you laugh at least a little. Actual recap coming soon.)